Eternal torment: The Search

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Hey. So far poly has been kind of like attending a course. I guess I haven't made the full transition yet. So many things have happened...not.

Let's see...yesterday I was supposed to have drama BUT i either had my info wrong OR i had my dates all messed up again. Anyways, no one turned up. Felt so funny since the room is located right next to the ladies loo. Seriously...the toilets stink so bad, I think I almost retch every time I step into one.

Anyways, today had to give a two min speech about children and play. Whether our children have enough play. I totally screwed up because I was expecting a more interactive audience. Damn. Seriously...I totally totally miss AND with each passing day. Which actually is a bad thing.

Still, as usual, I was wrecked with nervous energy. I wish I can be more confident but hell I hate being in the spotlight. I stuttered and I did think I was trembling...ah I remember Asnah's class presentation. The one where she told me to take my hands off the laminate because my hands were trembling so much that the laminate itself shook.

I still have a problem completing my personality profile assignment. I'm just so tempted to say that I am unable to complete this assignment because it is one of the flaws of my personality. Ha, ya right. Like my lecturer will accept that paltry excuse.

For the first time in my life, I'm not looking forward to my b-dae. It's strange but I don't wish to be reminded that I'm getting older. Or maybe it's because it's an indication that in 2 yrs time, i'll be a conscript. It's so fucking unfair. I mean two years of my life wasted. Like hello? Brain beats brawn in today's age. Use your fists and you're an effing cro-magnon idiot. use your brains, you're a genius. Seriously, I don't see a need to defend this island. Trust me. Just drop one A-bomb in city hall and you can decimate the whole popl. I just hate the whole boys are stronger than girls are. Considering the fact that we are getting more girls than boys each yr, shouldn't girls serve ns too? Kind of like malaysia, iran etc.

No bitching pls. Sure, giving birth is your "NS" but how many of u want more than 2 kids, necessary to ensure that our popl stabilises? you can choose to go physical or not. you can just help out in admin work or medic or whatever. still part of ns. then perhaps, more work gets done and ns is reduced to a yr. Who the fuck am i kidding? If I really lived in utopia, there'd be no wars.

my kids are so sweet...they sang me an advanced bday song AND gave me a card...:)

Thanks Zhen Yong! Made my day.

Transmitted on 6:37 AM

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